Thoughts on Considering Divorce After Abuse

Thoughts on Considering Divorce After Abuse
Your wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. It’s indeed a dream for many young girls to get married someday. When they’re all grown up and married to the man of their dreams, then hopefully life will be wonderful. 

The trouble comes into paradise when you discover that the man is less than comfortable with all your actions and bears his teeth to demonstrate dissatisfaction. This could be in the form of physical abuse, intimidation, and creating fear in you, or worse. 

If this is where your relationship is at now, here are some thoughts about what comes next. 

Abuse is Serious and Won’t Usually Go Away

Sad to say ladies, but when the man is being abusive in one or more ways, it’s not likely new to him. If he has behaved like that before and gotten away with it, this is merely a recurrence of learned behavior. Many men learn how to hide their true nature until they’re already in a long-term relationship. Others can even do so until they tie the knot and then they think they’re free to behave as they wish. Either way, while it may be new to you, it’s likely not new to them. 

Do They Have Many Female Friends?

If they don’t have any female friends, that might also be a sign. Women have a sixth sense and can feel when a man is a little edgy. While someone who’s a self-described ‘bad boy’ might have held some appeal, that’s quite different from the one that’s psychologically or physically abusive towards women. 

With friends, it’s natural to show more of your true colors. Otherwise, you can never be your true self. So, a female friend is likely to see all sides, warts and all. Because of this, they’ll quickly see right through domineering and other tell-tale signs of controlling behavior.

So, any former female friends probably knew what you’ve now discovered about him too late. 

Do You Need an Order of Protection?

If the abuse is ongoing and you’re living together as a married couple, it’s difficult to know what to do. When you’re considering filing for divorce, it’s advisable to move out of the marital home. However, if the police have been called due to domestic violence, he may have been forced to leave already.
Obtaining an Order of Protection may serve to ensure he stays away from you. However, it also prohibits contact which makes negotiating a divorce settlement more difficult to achieve too. To learn more about the pros and cons, contact a family law specialist such as msuewilsonlaw.com.

Is He Willing to Seek Counseling?

A man who is violent towards his partner either psychologically or physically won’t usually stop on his own. To learn to change his response to different stimuli, to not get angry as often, and to control his behavior, it’s necessary to seek treatment by professionals. 

The question is whether your trust in him and still have faith in the relationship to go through that process with him. If not, it’s likely that divorce makes the most sense when love is lost, and trust has forever departed.

For women who face abuse in the home and are thinking about getting divorced, give it some deep thought.  It can confirm what you want long-term and whether you still see yourself in the relationship or away from it. 

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